Closing out the year

As I reflect on 2019 coming to an end I’ve been thinking about the year I have had and, man, has it been a hell of a year. I put my father under hospice care and had to give the orders to remove all life-saving treatment. And then I watched my father slowly leaves this earth. Predictably my health took a nosedive and I had to step back from working full time which put me into a bit of tailspin of questioning my self-worth. Then the whole year culminated in being fired from my job.

I would be justified in giving the whole year the middle finger but the truth is I’m really grateful for this year. Yes watching my father die was heart-wrenching but it was also holy. Getting my health kicked out from underneath me was a bit of a hit to this health coach’s ego but it’s good to be humble and to be reminded that our mind and our body are inextricably connected. It also lead me to a compassionate and smart functional medicine practitioner that is helping me grow stronger every day. And yes losing my job and being unemployed at 41 really really sucked but it’s okay because I learned a lot from the time I had in the position and I know that whatever comes next will be wonderful too.

This year I confronted loss and failure (two things I have been so afraid of my whole life) and I’m still standing and my life feels more textured and whole in some way.

“Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come. You wait and watch and work: you don’t give up.”― Anne Lamott